Tall, Short, and Peter Crouch

Does height matter?

The Observer, March 2007

In the dim and trivial past, when some of us on this fragile planet still gave a moment’s thought to the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, the big issue was not the prenup, the dress or the party guests, but elevation. In his real life and his film life, Cruise had always appeared inches shorter than his new partner, but in the official wedding photos, there was a remarkable transformation: they were suddenly of equal height. Those who believed in fairy tales were inclined to put this down to the magic of Hollywood. The rest of us would have to contend with the medical miracle of a very late midlife growth spurt, or the humiliating spectacle of a hunching and barefoot bride, or the continued transformative possibilities of stacked heels. The world has moved on in so many ways since then, but few mysteries have proved so intractable.

Height is big news these days. Tall people are reported as wealthier, happier, more confident; they complain less, they are less uptight. But short people…just look at Martin Sorrell, if you can spot him among the giraffes in Court 13 at the Royal Courts of Justice in the Strand. Sorrell, the hugely successful advertising/marketing/public-relations executive, recently became known beyond his professional circles for another thing: his shortness.

Last week, he was suing former colleagues for libel and invasion of privacy, a case in which forensics specialists had uncovered ‘vicious’ images, allegations of criminal activity, the possibility of malicious character assassination and the one that really pushed the quote-of-the-week button: the prospect that he may or may not be ‘a mad dwarf’.

With his friend and business partner Daniela Weber (who objected to being referred to in the same email as ‘the nympho schizo’), Sorrell was fighting a battle of reputation, repudiation and decency; his barrister claimed that the slur on his height was the least of his worries. But the spin from his court battle was beyond his control. Here was a chance to talk about a successful short man in legal circumstances, and damn if we weren’t going to make a meal out of it. Reports were mixed: he was somewhere between 5ft 4in and 5ft 6½in, certainly small enough to suggest that here was a boardroom Napoleon, a man in need of proving himself.

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